We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize