I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
