Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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