I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
