I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
