When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
