before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
