i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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