I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
