My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This is my gift to your gina
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
