Girls should come with a carfax report
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Help. Why am I so naked?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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