Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
