I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
