So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you inspire me to be a worse person
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
