I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
