my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
my liver is dry heaving
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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