I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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