I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
