i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
