she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
