so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
