John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
