in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
