i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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