we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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