where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize