I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
