Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
