What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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