I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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