sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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