she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
