Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
