I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I forget how to act sober
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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