So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
