Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
