i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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