Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
