Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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