Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
