Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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