his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
