This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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