Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize
