it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
