Don't you send me to vm
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
