Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
