): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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