Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
