apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i think i just lost a toe
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
