Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
