you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
