I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
