Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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