After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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