Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
