It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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