i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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