The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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