i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
