Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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