i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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