Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
