He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
