I cannot find my penis.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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