we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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