Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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