I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
