I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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