Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
