Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
