So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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