its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can I color on your dick again?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
