she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
