i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
