We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
