I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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