The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
