I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
