he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
