Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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